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How to Roll Over an Old 401(k) to an IRA Without Tax Penalties?

goldennestegg

So, I have a 401(k) from a job that ghosted me years ago, and it’s still hanging out there like that one sock you’re sure you’ll find a match for. I’m trying to roll it over into an IRA, but the process so far is like deciphering IKEA furniture instructions—without the helpful stick figure.

Can someone explain (in human, not finance-bot speak) how NOT to accidentally trigger a massive tax bill? Also, do I need to get the 401(k) company and the new IRA provider to become BFFs, or can I just play middleman for a hot minute?

And bonus: will this somehow transform me into a responsible adult? Because I’m not holding my breath.